Thursday, December 24, 2009

breakdown breakthrough 2010 tarot forecast passionately infused with a kiss of pronoia

“At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: you can have anything you want if you’ll just ask it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings.” –Rob Brezsny, author of Pronoia

I feel like a banker in the economy of the community–taking inner wealth, making it visible, and sharing it with others. There is so much! There is so much to be thankful for! There are so many blessings! No matter how terrifying our unknown future presents itself, we must not forget that the holy spirit (the homo plasmate, for all you PKD fans), has not abandoned us. It is inside us. Jesus, son of man that he was, said the kingdom of god is to be found not in heaven, but within us. We have it in ourselves to realize the garden of eden beneath our feet, to spit out the original sin. We thought we were getting a taste of the knowledge of good and evil, but that is for the gods alone. So, have we learned our lesson yet? We can sneak into the garden, through the back door, where angels with fiery swords do not deter us. The symbols, signs, and stories–they’ve all been given to us. Making any sense of them is the hard part.

We are in fact living through the apocalypse right now. It’s a slow crash. You wouldn’t even notice if you weren’t paying attention, as usually these happenings are invisible. The ice cap melting–well, now, that’s a bit more in our faces, eh? Even with the silly repetitive blather about global warming, our blind spot is becoming obvious. The media-glorified spectacle of our culture may be able to distract some, but ever increasing numbers of us are waking up out of the trance of the cave of treasures, becoming cognizant of the bars of the black iron prison, wondering where are the keys to our gilded cages. There’s good news and bad news: there are no keys, and it is up to us to forge our own.

The apocalypse (from Greek, to uncover) is as much about rebirth as it is about collapse. It’s damn hard to convince the nightly news of that, though. They enjoy telling us about murders, bombings, punishments; fear sells way more crap than telling us about people in blighted areas tilling under our yards, sharing seeds and produce, and forging community in abundance. For certainly, the primary way we experience apocalypse is through the intimacy of our daily lives. Ideas like abundance, chaos, beauty, community, love, passion, care–these are real things that exist, as long as we believe in them and enact the stories behind them in the background of our daily lives. These are the things that matter, and they don’t cost money. You do not have to enslave yourself to get them, nor shop at Wal-Mart.

It’s exciting, isn’t it? We realize we have in ourselves the power to shape the humanity of the future. We realize we don’t need to trust someone else to take care of it for us. It doesn’t need to wait until the next president takes office, or even until tomorrow. As Thom Yorke says, “No more talk about the good old days. It’s time for something great.” It’s exciting to see the paradigm shift taking place before our eyes, in the fabric of our daily lives, and to look around at all the other robots, waking up out of their trances, realizing our minds, bodies, and souls are drawn into the process of figuring out the answers for ourselves. It’s not that we follow one answer or another, it’s that we think!

During this time, we will instinctively be drawn towards that which encourages blossoming and abundance, and away from that which is of no help. Our ideas and inspirations come from our direct personal experiences. We are becoming what we are becoming. This dangerous and unknown future is being lit from within in our process of healing and renewal. We hear the call within ourselves that wakes us. We arise and begin a future of doing something different than age-old destructive civilization. As brief love affairs become distant memories, so too do the memories of full-time employment, health care benefits, and retirement packages. Into our lives waltz joys of deep human relationships, care for each other, and sharing wealth and scarcity, the joy and the sorrow. It is raw. It undeniably can hurt. But the joy of life shared in community is unmatched.

“If you’re really listening, if you’re awake to the poignant beauty of the world, your heart breaks regularly. In fact, your heart is made to break; its purpose is to burst open again and again so that it can hold ever-more wonders.” –Andrew Harvey

We have indeed passed through an arid stretch of our journey, but now, through the process of rebirth, we find ourselves in more fruitful surroundings. Times of desperation and inner tension, when recognized, can be some of the most fertile beginnings of our lives. We trust that the destruction of stagnant ideas and ways of life can only set us free, allowing us to assume the innocense of a child, and wander through the garden unhindered. If we allow ourselves to walk in the hands of the gods, we will.

“The moment you come to trust chaos, you see god clearly. Chaos is divine order, versus human order. Change is divine order, versus human order. When the chaos becomes safety to you, then you know you’re seeing god clearly.” –Caroline Myss

Retreating from fear or pain denies a central part of ourselves. Abundance comes from giving without question. We trust in our perception that the more deeply we are engaged in feeling the spectrum of human emotion, the more comprehensive our insights will be. We can trust in our intuitive nature, our inner voice, and our ability to heal ourselves. We trust in our responsibility to ourselves, the responsibility we have to our community, and the responsibility of our community to us. Introspection allows us to find our way to the fertile oases within, the source of which becomes a fount of our strength, courage, and creativity. The more we accept ourselves and share with others, the clearer our individual and collective vision will be. To transform, we relax and give ourselves up to the dance. To walk in the hands of the gods, we give up our worries and embrace the entirety of human existence, to remember the garden beneath our feet. Anamnesis, the loss of forgetting, is our recollected blessing.

Contained within our daily lives is everything we need to remake, rebirth, recreate, realize–REALize–our future as humanity. It’s a challenge, no doubt, but surely one that our giant brains, vivid imaginations, and unending creativity are up for. It’s the greatest challenge of our lives, of the life of humanity as far as we know: turning on a dime, throwing our useless baggage into the gears of the system of destruction and death, and walking away into creation–giving birth to ourselves.

The origins of any kind of wealth lie in human consciousness. When we bring these hidden treasures into the world, they manifest in our daily lives. The blessings overflow into our physical, spiritual, and emotional modes of being. We share the blessings, making them ever so valuable and abundant. Giving ourselves up to live this life we all know is possible takes courage–a tremendous amount. We discover this courage deep within ourselves, deep into where we radiate a satisfied sense of self-sufficiency. We draw up our courage and feel it spilling forth as we look around and see the strength in our numbers. Our fears have nothing to do with reality. Wake up and see what is really happening! Wake up! We are already free!

Shine the spotlight directly into our blind spot. We become the black swans, the outliers, the butterflies of chaos, the unexpected events that change reality as currently perceived. Let the power of your inspiration liberate you from the bonds of your conditioning. Let the apparently impossible manifest itself in marvelous ways in our daily lives. In the course of human existence, we trust in our own energy and move with it. We give birth to ourselves, as do stars, which reflect every fractalized cell in our bodies. We have boundless potential. We face insurmountable opportunities.

We have attracted to ourselves everyone who is a part of our lives. We have created and participated in every situation in our lives. Indeed, we create our own reality. The wealth we hold in our hands is ours to do with as we choose. It is our freedom and our responsibility. What a blessing to find ourselves endlessly wealthy in the things that matter.


I mirror the universe–
a constant state of flux
to maintain some sort of
chaotic balanced order
so complex it cannot be perceived
and then, I explode, collapse
grow and expand
turn inward and get to know myself
an endless spiral of growth and decay
being reborn again and again


There is infinite abundance born from the dust of a decaying star, the love and strength and beauty flowing through us remind us of this. Everything unfolds at the proper time when we relax and trust in life. There is no fear or danger when we let go. Having given birth to our own souls, it becomes ever easier to support others doing so. We crawl out of our collective exoskeleton that no longer fits, and we follow our hearts as they push forth in search of beauty. The untrodden path beckons us to behold a new life waiting to be lived.

“Learning is finding out what you already know. Action is showing you know. Teaching is letting others know that they know it as well as you.”


Many thanks to Robert Brezsny for his book Pronoia and to Gerd Ziegler for his book Tarot, Mirror of the Soul. These two books have had a tremendous impact in my continuous breakdown breakthrough of the last six months. Also many thanks go to my community, for reminding me of my strength and courage when I forget.

Friday, December 18, 2009

pronoia: the universe is conspiring to shower you with blessings

I am reading this fantastic book, Pronoia, by Robert Brezsny. An updated version came out, and I highly recommend taking a look if you can get your hands on a copy. I LOVE this statement:

"At the heart of the pronoiac way of life is an apparent conundrum: you can have anything you want if you'll just ask it in an unselfish way. The trick to making this work is to locate where your deepest ambition coincides with the greatest gift you have to give. Figure out exactly how the universe, by providing you with abundance, can improve the lot of everyone whose life you touch. Seek the fulfillment of your fondest desires in such a way that you become a fount of blessings."

I think this is how one walks in the hands of the gods. I really feel this is an accurate description of how I live my life on a daily basis. I'm so blessed! So blessed! I have everything I could need, and I am satisfied. What more can I ask for, than to share my abundance with those in my life? A fount of blessings. I'm glad have courage.


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

well, pyramid workers, what shall we do?

planting seeds of paradise
weeds, herbs, sustenance
relationships, community
wealthy in time and company
abundant in just enough
remembering ourselves as indigenous
belonging to this place
part of all that is sacred
alive, sentient
spitting out the fruit of the tree
of the knowledge of good and evil
and returning to the tree of life
to sustain us

this is today
where it all begins.

Monday, December 14, 2009

the sky is falling

I know this may come as a big surprise to you, but an ice cap is melting. Global warming yay or nay, ice cap is melting. Instead of global warming, let's call it climate change. No matter what the data and the politicians and the news media say, we have eyes that can see, don't we?

Nowadays, anytime you open a newspaper, you can read a story of the slow ecological crash. Today's story is an update about the Arctic being ice free. A mere 8 months ago, scientists expected to have to start worrying about the ice cap melting in 2030. But today, we're down to an estimate of 2014, and what do you bet that'll be reconsidered when the latest models come in.
Gotta love this graphic of sea ice predictions. The red line is actual observed sea ice, which makes the models laughable. This kind of thing should make clear the limitations of science and the knowledge of humanity. As big as our brains are, they are overwhelmed by the complexity of the order of the natural world (being...chaos!). We don't seem to grasp the volumes of what we do not know.

Ever hear of the Arctic Dipole? That was yesterday's news. Interesting stuff. I wonder what tomorrow's sky is falling/slow crash keeps on news is going to be.

In my life as a learning person, I've sought out a lot of generalized basic skills, from foraging to sewing, raising food to making bread--anything that interested me, usually focusing on low-tech, low-cost methods of making a living instead of making a dying. It's crazy reading books from the 70's. I feel like many of these authors were my contemporaries. We're interested in the same issues and lifestyles. I'm just amazed that I never even heard about any of this stuff until the last few years. It seems like keeping our habitat a viable living space would be one of our foremost concerns as a thinking and doing culture.

Honestly, though, I think a good many citizens are brainwashed. Whatever and however, many people go through life, distracting themselves by whatever means possible. It's almost like they're robots, because they don't have the capability of saying no. It doesn't even occur to them. It seems like consumer culture has become the global religion, with its god Mammon firmly in place on top of the money-backed hierarchy. Mammon's temples have quick checkout lines for your convenience! There's something about the abstraction of money, something one trades her life for, and the abstraction of stuff, supposedly valued and of value, and these damn screens that keep us occupied, for our every last moment.

Of course, not growing up in a culture of understanding, of having to figure out a way that we can live in a manner that suits us without destroying the foundation of our planet's vital processes, is challenging to say the least. It's a lot of hit and miss, following interests and intuitions, observing feedback and putting plan b in the loop of chaos and seeing what happens.

Fortunately, I feel at some point I stumbled into a positive feedback loop with community at the core. I honestly feel like I walk in the hands of the gods every day. Whatever I need comes to me, in random blessings from others. I do spend a lot of my time and energy in returning these blessings to those I can, but giving and receiving are flip sides of the same coin. It's awesome either way. It is how to have power with instead of power over those in our communities, whether you're talking about a close-knit group of friends you potluck with, or you're talking about the flora and fauna of your habitat.

I feel so very blessed. I don't know how I came to rest at this place, but I am here. I tell you, it looks and feels awfully similar to the garden of eden in my mind's eye. I feel this is a key to the problems we as a global community have right now. There's absolutely no government that can get us out of this, no movement that can stop it, no hope in some wonderful new technology to be our pop-up savior. We have effed up, royally. We can take responsibility for it, talk and think about it, and do SOMETHING DIFFERENT. Doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different outcome is silly.

Part of this is each of us taking responsibility for our own selves, our actions that either consciously support the living processes of our planet or consciously support the Mammon pavement machine. I mean, we are consciously acting, right? I think a lot of people realize that things are messed up, even if they don't have a clue what to do about it. No president seems capable of righting wrongs, only doing complete evil.

We the people have our power back again. We have the power to ask ourselves questions that matter, and to talk to each other about what's for real. What do we value, and how do we support that? How do we live without destroying the ecosystem? How do we share knowledge and skills in a world that demands payment for either? We can create myths and legends that contain meaning, and name every living thing that surrounds us and teach it to our children--on and on, with different questions and answers for each of us. There's so much we can do that does not support empire. There's so much we can do that supports life. We have a choice. We just have to enact it.

Yeah, so what, the sky is falling. It won't be the first time. We pick up the pieces and move on. We cope, we adapt, we create, we change, we pass along what we've learned. This is human culture. We love a challenge.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

meat, woodstove cooking, and presentmas

Yum. My neighbor brought over a deer leg for me. As squeamish as I can be with bodily secretions, I seem to have no problem butchering meat. A deer leg has a surprising amount of meat on it. Thanks go to Patrick for butchering tips. In the woodstove picture, in front is the deer chili I made, with the heirloom garden tomatoes I canned this summer, and fresh onions and chard from the garden, and some garlic harvested earlier this year. I made it as spicy hot as I can stand it, and it is delicious. In the pot on the back of the woodstove is simmering deer bones and trimmings, making some of the most delicious fatty deer broth imaginable. Five quarts of venison chili and seven quarts of slow- and long-cooked venison broth set me up for an enjoyable winter.

Here's a picture of a spider, making a home in the rosemary plant I brought in from outside. I am hopeful it will keep the spider mite population down this winter. I only noticed the web because I was spraying water on my plants to pamper them.

It's been brrrr cold and super windy. The woodstove is keeping up, somewhat, but it's been chilly in the house, especially in the mornings when we first get up. My bedroom is about 45 in the mornings, and the house has been around 55. It doesn't take too long to warm up, but today the sunny living room is where we're at. We're taking the day off gymnastics and music class, not interested in waiting in the cold for the bus. Kaleigh's finishing up reading some library books, and we've been wrapping Christmas presents and making Christmas plans--or Presentmas, as Kaleigh likes to call it, being most UNinterested in God and Christ.

I personally am looking forward to being toasty warm sharing a jacuzzi suite tomorrow! Merry Christmas!!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

ernest hemingway sings the blues

The age demanded that we sing
And cut away our tongue.

The age demanded that we flow
And hammered in the bung.

The age demanded that we dance
And jammed us into iron pants.

And in the end the age was handed
The sort of shit that it demanded.

Monday, December 7, 2009

i am breathing oxygen because i am on fire

and sometimes you might feel
as though you've been taken captive
by lunatics and that's cuz you have.

upon realization of said quandary,
fasten your seat belts,
and take off, blast off.

in inner and outer space
you may find yourself in a
better position to think,

removed from the
dust-attracting qualities
of every day life.

it just might happen.