dropping out and dropping in

Per Lesa's request, I'll type up some more on dropping out and dropping in. Ten years ago, I was a professional employee, complete with suit, health insurance, regular shopping trips, car, salary, and ever-increasing debt. I did NOT enjoy the middle-class life in the least, but felt trapped. I mean, I couldn't just quit my hated job, could I? How on earth, in the free-est country in the world, did I manage to enslave myself?!

I was blessed to have Michael Fogler's book Unjobbing: The Adult Liberation Handbook cross my path. After reading it, I realized that with all the expenses I had from work, and all the time commitments as well, I was making chump change--and this was the "best" job I ever had! Fortunately, our at-the-time foster daughter arrived, and although I had planned on working from home, that did not work out. I quit my job and became a stay at home mom. Between diapers, spitting up, and learning to walk, somehow I found my way to paradise.

We consolidated our debt and focused on paying it off. We bought a small inexpensive house, and made extra principle payments to pay it off quicker. We kept track of where every last cent we spent went, and were appalled. We changed our behavior accordingly, shopping at 2nd hand stores and asking around for anything we needed. We grew some of our own food, and dumpster dived. The car died and was not replaced, except by bikes and a bus map. We stopped paying for entertainment, got rid of the tv, and made good friends instead.

It turns out, friends, aka community, is where it's at for me. I stopped focusing on the money economy, where scarcity rules, and started focusing on the abundance in my life, mainly human relationships. It turns out community can provide anything and everything I need, and it does, without bureaucracy, paperwork, and undignified subordination.

Sure, I still have a part-time job that pays the bills, but my bills are miniscule compared to most. I rarely shop, and if I do, it's usually for 2nd hand items, having replaced most of my "disposable" consumer goods with the real deal (hankies, cloth napkins, etc.). The waste stream in America offers plenty to choose from, as does the friend network (friendcycle). I don't know if I have amazing karma or what, but whatever I need seems to find me. I live in the hands of the gods, as do the lilies of the field, and I am cared for, without a doubt.

So when I blow my nose into what used to be my t-shirt, I don't feel any sort of hardship, just relief that I didn't have to take a bus to the store and trade my life's energy for what used to be a tree, that I'm just going to throw away anyway. When I grow my own food, I don't worry about the labor it takes to plant and harvest, I think about the good medicine entering my body, keeping me healthy. When I hang out with my friends, listening to the deafening roar of crickets punctuated by our laughter, the thought of what movie is opening this weekend doesn't even cross my mind. When I get to spend each day with my child, watching her grow and learn, I feel so blessed. There's no money in the world I would trade for these experiences.

There's dropping out of the money economy, and then there's dropping into the community economy. I've been told by people they admire me, or respect me, for my "sacrifice", but really I do it for selfish reasons. Living in a community, living in the hands of the gods--it just feels right, and it makes me happy. It's a life worth living, full of meaning. I am wealthy beyond compare. I turn my eye to look for beauty instead of despair, and amazingly, beauty is everywhere I look. I have no doubt I live in the garden, in paradise.

carey

dropping out

The more I drop out of the money economy, the more I drop into community, the more awesome life gets. It doesn't matter if you take it fast or slow, follow your heart or your brain, how much you work, or whether you stay put or travel around for mental and physical stimulation. If it doesn't feel good, don't do it. Ask yourself, if you weren't a slave or living up to someone else's expectations, what would you be doing with your life right now?

When you get to that point of doing exactly what you want for most of your hours, you may find yourself in some sort of paradise. It's not to say that life is sparkling and happy face all the time, but it's real and immediate, rich with experience, and if you can figure it out, rich with human relationships. I live in the hands of the gods in the world of community, and they treat me well. Yeah, I live in utter poverty in the world of money, but I tell ya, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

carey

poetry

the great escape

listen, he said, you ever seen a bunch of crabs in a bucket?
no, I told him.
well, what happens is that now and then one crab
will climb up on top of the others
and begin to climb toward the top of the bucket,
then, just as he's about to escape
another crab grabs him and pulls him back down.
really? I asked.
really, he said, and this job is just like that, none
of the others want anybody to get out of
here. that's just the way it is in the postal service!
I believe you, I said.

just then the supervisor walked up and said,
you fellows were talking.
there is no talking allowed on this job.

I had been there for eleven and one-half years.

I got up off my stool and climbed right up the supervisor
and then I reached up and pulled myself right out of there.

it was so easy it was unbelievable.
but none of the others followed me.

and after that, whenever I had crab legs
I thought about that place.
I must have thought about that place maybe 5 or 6 times

before I switched to lobster.

---------

I've been reading a lot of poetry by Charles Bukowski. Reading his work is like a sucker punch to the heart. It's great proletariat poetry--sad, dark, bitter, raw, stark, and often pleasurable. I'm glad I finally have had the bukowski experience.

carey

what's new

Per Lesa's request, I'm posting!

Of course, there have been a lot of changes going on. Don and roommate Joe are getting settled into their house a few blocks away. Don is working a temp job, doing data entry, and going on a Halloween date tonight (hope he doesn't mind me updating him for this blog!).

Kaleigh is getting settled into the fall routine of classes: art, swimming, gymnastics, and music, plus an unschooling/knitting playdate, plus any other extracurriculars pop up. In other words, we spend a lot of time socializing--too much for my homebody self, but not enough for superextrovert Kaleigh. Anytime at home, Kaleigh's been reading furiously. She's had a few days of laying on the couch in utter exhaustion, where she's plowed through 5 or 6 novels.

My mind has felt unfocused, and I have to remind myself to not be too hard on myself about it. It's okay to sit around and do nothing, but it's a lot easier for me to do that in a clean house with everything on my to do list crossed off. Type A!! Most recently, I cleaned everything out of my bedroom and painted it. Since I got the furniture put back into place, my insomnia has disappeared. I'm sure it's all symbolic and placebo, but I'm very thankful to be sleeping every night once again.

I've been dating a guy from Normal of all places. I have enjoyed hanging out and getting to know him. We seem to have a pair of fairly compatible personalities. So, we're taking it slowly and enjoying all the niceness and newness of our relationship, and hanging out online a lot, which seems necessary with the hour plus distance separating us. However it works, yes?

I'm not looking forward to the holidaze coming. I just don't care anymore, and I seem unable to acquire any sort of enthusiasm. Oh well! I've done a lot in past years, so it all averages out.

Knitting has become my regular past time, what with Kaleigh's activities taking me out of the house, and needing to rely on a portable hobby. I've been knitting fingerless gloves, and I seem to be able to do a pair a week. I got an order for a pair for Christmas, which is awesome. I keep feeling like once I get "enough" to stock a place, I'll take them in and see if I can peddle them, but honestly, they'll probably all go to Christmas presents, and that's okay too.

The last month has also been big in preserving garden flow. I finished canning the tomatoes and green tomatoes. There's not much in the garden now except onions and chard. I've collected raspberry, strawberry, and peach tree leaves, as well as mint and the herbs I have, parsley, oregano, basil, and sage. My kitchen looked like a jungle for a bit, there. I'm slooowwwwllllyyyy getting caught up. I still need to jar up mass quantities of kraut, for instance. Last weekend, we enjoyed some passion fruits we found in an alley. They were sooo good. We saved the seeds, and the cutting I got earlier this year is still showing signs of life.

So, there's the update on life at the little house! Lots going on, but nothing that seems extremely important, as usual!

carey

new beginnings

Ahh, it is quiet at the little house, with the wee one at her dad's for the last two days. I had time to clean and move furniture. Quiet time is so nice. Actually, I should say alone time, because I've been listening to a lot of loud music: Tom Waits, Carolina Chocolate Drops, Rev. Peyton and His Big Damn Band, Radiohead. My mind is slowly decluttering as is my house. The state of my home has always seemed to me to be a reflection of my mental state.

I have some bread rising in the oven. It's the first time I've made bread in a long time, driven by having to eat white wonder bread, the only stuff in the house. Yuck. I forgot the luxuriousness of making bread: the smell of honey and yeast perking, the feel of coarse flour in my hands, the baby butt feel of the bread when it's done being kneaded. I'm excited that in a couple of hours, I'll be eating toast fresh from the oven, with tasty butter and homemade jam.

It makes me feel self-conscious to say this, but I've signed up for online dating. The main reason is that some of my good friends met each other online, and I am hopeful to meet someone as awesome as they are. The other reason is that I am not fond of bars, and in the evening when people usually hang out, I am here with my kid asleep. I've met some cool people so far (and some not so cool people). And it's often really hilarious. I can't believe how much I've laughed. Thanks go to my friend Mark of the Beast for being my online dating guide and giving pertinent guy advice.

And so, life as a single parent begins. I am really enjoying myself so far.

carey

Good Bye Little House

Well, it's been an interesting summer for Donald. Two days ago, Joe and I moved out, in between rain showers, into a rental house where we still can't use the shower or kitchen; the workers are still finishing it up. But we crammed our stuff into the two bedrooms and carved out spaces to sleep on the floor. The Little House is much more spacious now, with two guys' stuff outta the way! I'll still be around from time to time, kicking it on Sundaze and unschooling Kaleigh.

But before I sign out, I gotta point y'all to this page on The Illiterate Minority. It's basically patriotic protesters with misspelled signs, but the pics are PRICELESS. I needed that laugh!

:D

happy satan tomato and a new bike

Seriously. It even has the little goat horns and everything.

I didn't end up going to see the Rev. Peyton, which was really disappointing. I was supposed to go to the show with my roommate Joe, but he decided that he wanted to keep his options open after the show, and I didn't feel like walking or biking home at 3 a.m. by myself. Next time, I will make sure to go with someone I can count on, someone who does not get blackout drunk and need to keep their options open.

Saturday, Kaleigh and I went to Super Saturday at the Illinois State Museum and learned about archaeology. It was cool, and I got to meet the new educational intern. She's really nice, and I am looking forward to talking with her more in the future. They were making and playing with old timey kids' toys in the discovery room. Kaleigh made a button spinner, using a piece of wood instead of a button. I don't know what they are actually called, but that is what we called them when I was a kid. I remembered too we used to make hankie babies, and if I'd had a hankie on me, I would've showed the kids how to do it.

Sunday was an awesome fun day in Zomba. Mike and Don and Kaleigh went down to Don's future rental house to do some mudding on the walls. This is what Joe had told the landlord he could do in exchange for the security deposit, but Joe was nowhere to be found. Luckily, Mike knows how to mud drywall, and he's a nice enough guy to give up many hours of his free time to help out. Kaleigh learned how to mud drywall as well, as she mudded over the screw holes, and also cleaned up the tools. Patrick, Abby, and I stayed here and made PIZZA!!! It was wonderfully yummy, complete with currant tomatoes and other veggies from the garden, as well as local cheese. Even our vegan wheat-free friends ate it! There's something to be said about sacred food shared in community with good friends. The recently-bottled raspberry wine was also delish.

Ahhh, a new bike! Well, it's an old old bike--even my mother would have been too young to ride this bike when it came out. But it fits me. It's a 24" girls' cruiser, a Hiawatha. With the seat up and the handlebars tilted up, it fits rather well. The coaster brakes will take some getting used to, but I like it. A lot. Thanks go to Bill, who bought it, and brought it over to see if the size would fit me, and who was nice enough to sell it to me, even though he wanted to chop it and make it into a trike. And also thanks to Bill who raised the seat and adjusted the handlebars. Woo! I can't wait to ride it!!! I haven't ridden a bike in 4 or 5 days now, and it's starting to get to me. I need to ride my bike!

Tonight we're going to Sarahlin and Julian's house two blocks down from here that they picked up cheap at tax auction. They refer to it as The Sanctuary. Mike is helping them get the house ready to put the electric back on. It'll be a lot easier to repair and clean when there is electricity and water. I'm going down with loppers, clippers, and a hand scythe to see if I can make the yard somewhat presentable to give the house a claimed look. I feel like I've been receiving so much help lately, it will be nice to be on the giving end again. Ahhh, community--giving and receiving being the flip sides of the same coin.

I wrote a bit the other night, and at some point, I'll post it here. I'm still working on making my thoughts clearer. I hope to get a Folktales book together and (self) published this winter. It's just nice to write again. I've had it bottled up for some time now.

carey